


It's A Wash

by churb



Series: everyone is a crystal gem and nothing hurts [3]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: EXCITING, Multi, heartbreak coming soon :), this is just mindlessly happy for no reason, this one has a SONG
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-23 07:53:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4869080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/churb/pseuds/churb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The gems reluctantly spend the day helping Greg out at his carwash business.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's A Wash

**Author's Note:**

> i'm only writing this as optimistic filler
> 
> if that means anything to you guys
> 
> also in light of the new episodes I feel the need to mention that in this au peridot is an amputee as opposed to just short

"What is all this?"  
  
For once, it was Pearl asking the question.  
  
The seven of them were stood outside Greg's carwash, a little distance away, all staring at the chaos unfolding in front of them. Rows upon rows of cars were queuing up, stretching out as far as they could see, all of which dented and covered with a considerable amount of dirt. They could hear shouting, too; it sounded like thousands of raised voices chattering angrily, people leaning out of their windows, and, they noticed, a very, very stressed Greg Universe at the end.  
  
"A heart attack."  
  
"Thank you, Amethyst. I'm sure Steven needed to hear that."  
  
"Oh, sorry." Amethyst covers Steven's ears, exaggeratedly mouthing the words "A heart attack" at Pearl. The latter huffs, crossing her arms.  
  
"There's no need to be _facetious_ \--"  
  
Fortunately, the rest of the team were spared for yet another argument between Amethyst and Pearl (they were all sure by now that it was a daily occurrence) by Pearl cutting herself off. "Lapis? Where are you going?"

All they could do was watch in mute silence as the small gem nimbly makes her way through the chaos to the carwash, before sighing and following her.  
  
"Greg?" Lapis stops a few feet away, peering at the anxious and rushed cleaning unfolding before her eyes. "Are you alright? What the hell happened here?"  
  
Greg takes a moment to wipe his forehead.  
  
"Ugh, I don't _know_. Some kind of storm, I think. All I know is I've got half the town lined up here! I don't know how I'm going to be able to handle all this!"  
  
"Oh." Pearl tilts her head. "How unfortunate." There's a pause, there, before she flaps her hand, and turns around, making to walk away. "Well, enjoy your day! Bye bye now!""  
  
Garnet wordlessly sticks her arm out and gently pulls Pearl back. The latter turns around, frowning, before stopping to take in the sight in front of her.  
  
Said sight being Lapis Lazuli, actively stood on said car, raising a constant stream of water down over it. Pearl opens her mouth, about to ask where Lapis is getting that water from, before she sees a few fish slide down the side of the car and flop miserably on the floor. She watches speechlessly as Jasper bends down, gently handing them back to Lapis, who waves her hands, makes them rise to about twelve foot above her head, and then carelessly flings them backwards at a great speed.  
  
There's a distant splashing noise. From down by her side, Steven claps.  
  
The rest of the gems are clapping too, now. Lapis bows from her position on the car, climbing down to further applause. From here, her shirt is obvious; plain white with the carwash logo on it, bright colours declaring that It Is, in fact, A Wash.  
  
Pearl sighs.  
  
\--  
  
Before long, they're all in shirts. Pearl decides it's uncomfortable. She's not too fond of sleeves. She decided that a few regenerations ago.  
  
Greg scratches his head. "Gee, uh. Are you sure this isn't inconvenient for you?"  
  
Pearl opens her mouth. From behind her, Amethyst shrugs. "Eh. It's not like we have much else to do."  
  
"You mean it's not like _you've_ got much else to do!"  
  
"Well there are eight of us. If you don't wanna work you can just leave."  
  
Someone honks their horn a few feet away. Greg makes an uncomfortable noise, frantically hosing, and Pearl sighs. "Alright, fine. I'll do it. But only for a while."  
  
"What's the problem, P? I thought you loved cleaning shit."  
  
"Amethyst! Steven's here." Pearl leans down, clasping her hands over Steven's ears.  
  
"Why does everyone keep doing that."  
  
Amethyst ignores Steven's lament. "You're avoiding the question."

"It's inconsequential. I simply happen to be busy, that's all."  
  
"Yeah, well, you're not any more busy than the rest of us." Pearl's hands are still over Steven's ears. Amethyst lowers her voice. "And if it's _personal_ , it better not be. You're the one who doesn't want to upset Steven."  
  
"Oh, and you do?"  
  
"That was the literal _opposite_ of what I just said!"  
  
"So." Jasper stops cleaning the car for a moment, leaning over the bonnet to Peridot. "When do you think they'll stop bickering and come help us."  
  
Peridot shrugs. "I'm guessing years."  
  
  
Behind them, Steven gently scrubs the side of a car, concentrating most of his energy into that particular spot. From above him, Lapis drops a load of water onto the car, and Steven takes a cloth and wipes the windows clean at the side. He hums, tapping his fingers against the wing mirror.  
  
"The sun is shining in the sky, and the cars are lining up for miles. We may be getting hot and tired, but we have cars, cars to wash."  
  
"Ugh." says Peridot in the distance. "Not _another_ song."  
  
Jasper shrugs. "It's cute."  
  
Lapis leans over, paying some attention to the bonnet. "And this shirt is sticking to my back, and we don't have much time to relax--"  
  
"Stop leaning on my car!"  
  
"--Kind of wishing they would cut us all some slack--"  
  
"--But we have cars," Steven musically reminds her. "Cars to wash."  
   
They continue, this time united in vocals. Peridot pulls a face behind them.  
  
"There's a storm, it's tearing up the town, and it's getting everybody down, all the damage is giving them a frown, but we know how to turn it upside down--"  
  
" _Really?_ "  
  
Jasper elbows Peridot in the side.  
  
"All the trees have blown over in the wind, and the birds have nowhere left to sing, and the line is sixteen miles across, so we have cars, cars to wash."  
  
"Alright." Peridot throws down her sponge. "I'm interrupting this before it gets even  _more_  saccharine and unpleasant."  
  
Jasper stops swaying. "Killjoy."  
  
Amethyst scoffs. "Yeah, no need to limit the little man's creativi-- _Garnet!!!_ "  
  
Garnet looks over. The man in the car she's holding high above her head looks out, clearly unnerved.   
  
"Put him  _down_!"  
  
"We're cleaning his tires." Garnet gestures over to Pearl, who is doing so with a picturesque disgusted face. The car doesn't even so much as wobble when she takes her hand away. Steven stares at her in awe.  
  
"He doesn't need to be ten foot up, Garnet!" Behind her, Pearl chips in. "I can agree with that."  
  
Garnet puts the car down. "I thought you were the fun one."

"I have to say it's not often I agree with Amethyst when the issue regards safety." Pearl chuckles, wiping her hands on her shirt, before freezing. The sound is unmistakable, even from here.  
  
"MAYor DEWey MAYor DEWey."  
  
"Oh no." says Pearl.  
  
"Sorry. Excuse me. Mayor coming through." And he proceeds to cut quite drastically in line, moving pretty much to the front and ignoring the torrent of verbal abuse from other drivers. "Hello, uh. Gregory. I would very much like it if you could brighten up the, uh. The van."  
  
Pearl hides behind Greg's own vehicle.  
  
"Maybe you should wait in line." Lapis crosses her arms. "Everyone else waited."  
  
Mayor Dewey blinks at her blankly for a moment.  
  
"...I'm the mayor."  
  
There's an awkward silence.  
  
"Anyway." Here he turns his attention back to Greg. "I have a very important meeting tonight. I won't say too much, but it involves Charm City and the country's biggest sandwich." He pauses. "Hey, um. You don't seem to have the pretty one with you."  
  
Greg's van lets out a tiny gasp. Greg stands in front of it, obviously nervous. "Ah, well, I mean. All the girls are...pretty, Mayor."  
  
"No, I mean the specific one. You know. With the....the bow. And the forehead charm. The really pretty one."   
  
Another choked noise comes from behind the van. Greg takes a quick, subtle look, and then directs his attention back to Mayor Dewey.   
  
The other gems seem to be tuned in to Pearl's rather obvious feelings. Garnet crosses her arms. "Pearl isn't here."  
  
"Oh. That's a shame. I mean. She's not bad to look at." A chuckle. "I would elbow you in a friendly manner, Gregory, but sadly I have to stay inside the van. Just accept that as an effort to partake in the banter, if you will. Um. Broski."  
  
"Dad." Buck is apparently in the back of said van. "Stop."  
  
"Oh, son." Dewey leans back and ruffles his hair. "You just don't appreciate how hip and with it your old man truly is." And back to Greg. "Anyway, the van, if you will. And if you see her, let her know I...called." He pauses then, before leaning down. "Between you and me, though, if she has any...other arrangements, romantically, is that something you could...tell me? Man to man? She truly is quite something."  
  
It sounds like a sob, now. Greg's fist tightens.  
  
"Yeah. She sure is." Greg pauses, looks up. "And you know what she isn't? An object."  
  
There's another awkward silence. Dewey looks a little startled.  
  
"Erm."  
  
"Have you ever asked how  _Pearl_ feels about you coming along and creeping on her like this? Give her a  _break_ , Dewey! She wasn't  _made_ just to stand around and look pretty for you! She's an individual! With individual thoughts! And it's getting _really_ creepy and invasive you following her around and trying to come onto her every chance you get! You're acting like she  _belongs_ to you! And Pearl doesn't belong to  _anyone_. She's her own gem. Leave her alone!"  
  
"I--"  
  
"And you know what? She's... she's  _gay!_ "  
  
There is another, far more awkward silence. Dewey's mouth shuts abruptly. Peridot leans over to Jasper.  
  
"What's a....gay."  
  
Jasper shrugs. "Fuck if I know."  
  
"Hmm." Peridot scratches her chin. "Maybe it means, like. Really organised."

The eye contact between Greg and Mayor Dewey doesn't seem to have stopped. Greg tilts his head.  
  
"We done? You done relentlessly fawning over my family? Great. Get...Get in line!"  
  
Meanwhile, on the other side of the van, Lars pokes his head through the window. "H...hey, Buckaroo. Fancy seeing you here. At the carwash. Haha."  
  
Buck stares. Lars continues, pulling his head out from the window and snapping his fingers.  
  
"Working at the car wash, at the car wash, yeaah."  
  
Behind him, Mr Smiley beeps the horn. "Lars! Get back in the car!"   
  
Buck closes the window.  
  
\--  
  
The last car was washed, sent away, and paid for, and Greg sits down, wiping his forehead.  
  
"Whew. Hard day. Couldn't have done it without you guys! Thanks for helping out." He holds out his hand, intending a shake, but is instead bombarded by Lapis wrapping her arms around him.  
  
The other gems keep a fair distance.  
  
"What are you going to do with all this money?" Steven fiddles with the till, slotting the bills in place. "You could buy a house for this."  
  
Greg chuckles. "Not in this economy. Nah, this is going in your Christmas fund." He snatches Steven up, ruffling his hair, the both of them bursting into laughter before they're interrupted by Pearl.  
  
She looks a bit of a mess.  
  
"Pearl?" Greg puts Steven down, slightly more concerned. "Are you alright? Do you want to lie down?"  
  
"I don't sleep, Greg." Pearl shakes her head, before sighing. "I just... I just wanted to thank you. For earlier. For...that."  
  
"Oh, yeah, well." Greg scratches the back of his head. "He was being...really creepy, and I. I mean. We're friends, you know." A pause. "We...are friends, right? No hard feelings?"  
  
Pearl manages a small, watery smile.  
  
"That's not really...I. What I was going to...to  _say_ , was." Pearl takes a deep, shuddery breath. "As much as I appreciate it, you're. I'm afraid you're incorrect."  
  
"...What?" Greg's shoulder's drop, surprised, almost wary. Pearl looks down.  
  
"That is what I was made for." It's a soft whisper. "That's exactly...what I was."  
  
..."I."  
  
Greg stares.  
  
"I should go."  
  
The last thing he sees is Pearl covering her face before she turns and runs.  
  
"Pearl!" Garnet calls after her, desperately, before turning to Amethyst. "Amethyst, go and talk to her."  
  
"What? No way, G, this is. This is Homeworld shit!"  
  
"She won't listen to me! She's scared of me!"  
  
"Send Peridot!"  
  
"What?" Peridot raises her hands, her fingers floating in a vaguely distressed manner. "Oh, no, no, I am. I am  _definitely_ the wrong person to send here--"  
  
"Ugh. Alright." Jasper pulls herself up off the floor, dusting herself off. "I'll go talk to her. You coming, Lapis?"  
  
Lapis shrugs. "I might stay here, thanks. I don't think Pearl will listen to me either."  
  
"Not like she's gonna listen to me. Only one gem on the fucking planet Pearl listened to." There's a strange sense of weight that come with those words, something that lowers the mood in the area, before Jasper turns and leaves.  
  
There's another awkward silence.   
  
"So." Greg shuffles. "Anyone want to go shopping?"

**Author's Note:**

> star out ending thing NNNNNN pop
> 
> i lied this isn't optimistic


End file.
